I am sometimes amazed, rather shocked, at the impact a song, movie, tv series, or a scene, or a for that matter, any article has on me. These things sometimes help me understand the smaller things about life and maybe, just maybe, help me prepare myself, to get stronger and stand on my feet when all things seem to be going wrong.
A rather hectic time at College, I was finally done with all the continuous assessments for the semester and wanted a break. So, I raid the LAN, find the movie “Love Breakup Zindagi”. Clichéd movie that it is, there is a dialogue that starts at around 1:10:30 into the movie “life is too short. That whatever is to happen, it is the present, the chance is present. That delaying might let the opportunity get away. ”
I cannot count how many times I have felt this way. I have wondered many a times how different things would have been had a sorry or a thank you been told even just moment earlier or later. Those angry words, those honest words, those white lies, blatant lies. Well, you get the drift.
This post is about saying a Sorry and whether a delay could make a difference.
For many, uttering a sorry takes so much effort. I knew a person who said (read: boasted) that he would never apologise but makes the other person feel so guilty and apologise even when he is the one at fault. Ha!
Another observation: Obviously saying it when I am wrong is obligatory, but a number of people’s first reaction would be to get defensive and state that it they should not be the first to apologise when it is not their fault.
I quote another friend, Rameshwari (aka Ramu) who said, just because someone apologises, it does not make the fault theirs, nor do they lose respect in any way. It takes a good soul to take an initiative and make amends. I have always believed in it too. When the guy told me that he has made people apologise, my first reaction was, what a shallow guy and how many times has he made ME feel guilty, without it being my fault. I could most probably fill up a book with the number of times I have told him I was sorry. But then, a little while later, I realised, each time I apologised or made up for something I (thought I) did, I felt good after apologising. That was all that mattered.
The time factor. This is quite important. I vehemently think the saying part should be taken care of as soon as one can. Be it 20 days, 20 years, say it if you think you have to. Forget getting forgiveness. Not all are that big hearted to forgive immediately. As immediate I am at saying a sorry, I am not really that prompt in forgiving. But the wound heals. That I know. But too much of a delay just makes one stoic or bitter, to the extent that there is absolutely no remorse or grief even when the person is no more. I do not know.
But the desire to forgive would obviously not top that list. I would really not care if their soul was restlessly wandering, for the chains were forged by them and not I and it would be their duty to drag it around. Anyway, saying a sorry is never going to hurt the one saying it, right?
Furthermore, beyond these 2 factors, there are factors:
1. Courage
2. The willingness of the other party to sort things out, or even just the time and patience to listen to what one has to say.
3. The sincerity in the actions or words.
4. Ability to explain without sounding like a justification.
5. Ability to put things behind and just let something be: to let go: for ALL those involved
6. To start afresh if that is what it takes.
While the above are indeed difficult, trying never hurts. I did and I will even though every time I sort things out, I feel less and less courageous, and more and more like tearing down an unbreakable wall. Maybe I’ll hold on too long, maybe I will give up on certain people, even if they are too precious to let go.
But until then, maybe I will keep giving people that one last chance again and again. And hope that they will give me too, for to err is human, to forgive divine, and to make amends is a choice.
Until then,
To all the people I owe a sorry and I chose to talk to, and who refuse: one day maybe someday, i’ll give up and that day would be when I can talk to you no more.
To all the people who are ready to, but I lack courage, please give me that one last chance too. I will apologise.
On that note take my word: say a sorry, as soon as you can. forgive, as soon as you can. life is really too short.
