The inspiration to this post lines from a song in the Tamizh Movie Guna, Kanmani anbodu kadhalan..
“unnai enni paarkaiyil kavithai kottuthu.. athai ezhutha ninaikaiyil vaarthai muttuthu” and ”
The lines mean that when I think of you, I feel a poem coming, but when i want to put it on paper, I lose the ability to form words.
How true.
When I think of something that affects me, I feel a speech forming in my head. So I think, why not go and talk about it to the person who is the reason for it. Somehow when I go and I am say 5 feet away, I become speechless. I forget everything that formed in my head. call it losing courage. call it contemplating as to whether the speech would actually be worth it.
Maybe, I am afraid of my own temper and inability to control my emotions. A number of times, I have said things I have regretted even as soon as it leaves my mouth. but as the saying goes words once spilt can’t be taken back.
oh! hold that thought. Of late, I have not even regretted. Yet again, that is for a different post. coming back, why does it get so difficult to say things. to have a chat, to sort things out. and why is it that most times, when it would have been the simplest solution, it just gets complicated since either the other person is very difficult to judge and hence I cant understand if (s)he is ready to talk about it. or I hesitate so much cause i am the Guilty one or I am waiting for the other to apologise since the other is the guilty one.
why is it so difficult to sort things out?
why does life become so complicated the more older i get?
was I not supposed to have started understanding life by now. yeah started…
why do issues have to have so many layers and have built up anger or morose or regret or anything.
I mean emotions themselves having so many layers…
I wish i was a care free kid.
