yet another soul searching exercise

So there I am with my mood swings and everything last week sitting and wondering what to do to calm myself down.
then comes KP on Gtalk to send me a blog link of some senior she “follows” and in a sense of bragging/fit of fury, I log on to my own blog in search of a better written (did i mention bragging?) post on whatever she sent.. then there went my night revisiting every single blog post written by me and i say to myself.. “I thought i have learnt a lot from experience and i have matured after coming to college blah blah .. and then i realise.. every six months throws up the same kind of blog post albiet a tad more mature and stoic written.
then i realise there are sweet posts too.. and that i do know how to enjoy life.
coming to think of it, the blog posts have given me a way to express myself to myself a little bit more clearly.

I know for a fact that I write most of my Blog posts when I am emotionally charged, whichever they be. Also, the ability to put thoughts into words comes only when the mind is clear in what it wants. And given that my posts seem to more or less TALK to me, i guess deep down, I have already figured everything out. Its just that the conflict of the heart and brain seems to blind me to what my course of action should be…

I still do not know what made want to have a blog.. Maybe, my love to keep my memories stored in some form permanently could be the reason why I started this blog in the first place.. or maybe the Blog Bug bit me tht day and in the moment, i started one..
whatever the reason.. my blog to me seems like my soul telling me that everyone has their moments .. sad or happy and that life is to live the way it comes.. one cant plan and live life or sheild oneself from things they dont want to face

After all, i think i should follow the thought that hangs on the poster on my room door “life is like a rainbow which also includes black“

here I am, one day very happy being a part of the South Indian lunch that all of us jointly organised and the next day mailing sarcastic emails to class mates since they could not cooperate.

I still seem to be the same emotional Idiot i have always been … doing stuff hot headedly .. saying things in the fit of the moment. I am not saying I don’t make an effort.. maybe just that it ain’t enough…
maybe I do need to mature a lot and imbibe certain decisions into life and stick by it come hell or high water..
maybe i should sort things out with everyone
maybe i should stop expecting
maybe i should ……….
Maybe i should just log off and take a break from all of this since i dont want to screw up my exams …………………..